


Petting

by AnonEhouse



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Incredible Hulk (2008)
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Pets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-20 23:55:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3669783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Avengers have pets. Of course they do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Petting

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this prompt[ Gen; Avengers move in and they have pets ](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/11264.html?thread=25958912#t25958912)

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

Everyone said it started with Steve's hamster, but that's not true. Steve's hamster was the just the first one to come out of the closet, so to speak. Sam had suggested Steve get a pet, and when Sam suggested something it didn't sound like 'therapy' but more like 'hey, buddy, I bet you'd like this'. Sam's advice had always been good. Steve decided against a dog, because not only would it need more care, but what if Steve just wasn't cut out to be a pet owner? If he loused up with a hamster, it'd only live a few years anyway. Turned out, Rhino was a winner. Steve had chosen the biggest, fattest one in the shop, reasoning that it would be less fragile, but he hadn't expected it to actually have a brain and learn to come up to the front of the cage, squeaking with excitement when Steve came home. He hadn't expected how nice it felt to have something warm and furry sitting trustingly in his hands while it chewed a bit of carrot. Rhino loved running around in his hamster ball, and after a while, Steve decided to take Rhino out to join him in the team lounge. He hadn't asked Tony about having a pet in the Tower, and it felt a bit sneaky not to have mentioned it. Not that he thought Tony would mind. It was only a hamster, after all.

"What's its name?" Natasha asked when Steve entered the room, with the hamster trundling along happily in his ball. 

"Rhino," Steve said. "Because... well, for a hamster, he's big."

Tony glanced up from looking at the movie choices JARVIS was showing on the flat screen. "He needs a better means of transportation. Thor steps on that and it's a goner."

"I would never harm Steve's companion!" Thor huffed.

Bruce said mildly, "But someone else might." He poked at the ball. "It _is_ very flimsy."

"We must Science, Bruce!" Tony said, getting up and tossing the remote to Clint. He grabbed Bruce's arm and vaulted over the couch. Bruce called back, "Start the movie without us."

They returned in an hour, with a clear ball the same dimensions as Rhino's old one, but textured inside to give his little pink feet a grip. The ball had lines and circles intricately etched in its surface. "Transparent aluminum," Tony said loftily. 

Bruce rolled his eyes. "It's not, really, it's a complex hybrid mono-chain poly..." Bruce looked at the expressions on the other Avenger's faces and shrugged. "Ok, it's transparent aluminum."

"Is that the Death Star?" Steve asked. He'd been forcibly caught up on science fiction movies out of self-defense, because he got sick of never getting all Tony's references.

"Yes!" Tony gloated. "Only without the weapons systems."

"Fine." Steve opened up the two hamster balls and let Rhino have his choice. He liked the Death Star, but Steve decided to keep the old one, as a spare, just in case 'transparent aluminum' turned to dust overnight.

"Well, if Steve can bring out his hamster, I suppose Diamond Jim can join the party," Natasha said. She got up and left the room.

"Natasha has a pet?" Steve asked the question most of them were wondering.

Clint said, "Yeah, Diamond Jim is pretty cool, but snakes were never my thing. I've got homers. Pigeons," he added. "Keep them up on the roof."

"And they can stay there," Tony said. "You can't house train a bird."

"Indeed you can," Thor said, "my Big Bird is very meticulous about his ..." Thor looked around. "What?"

"You named it after a Sesame Street character?" Bruce asked.

Before they could really get into that, Natasha returned with her snake. It wasn't a particularly large snake and patterned in blotches of black on gray. She put it down on the table and it lifted its head to look around, revealing a wide, disk shaped neck.

"WHOA, COBRA!" Tony yelled and lifted his hands as if he was wearing repulsers.

"No, he's not." Natasha petted the snake. "He's just eaten."

"Um," Bruce said, "Why do you call him Diamond Jim? He's not marked in diamonds."

"Because he's a gourmand. He only eats eggs." The snake did something, and its neck narrowed. And then it spit out a crushed eggshell. "He likes quail eggs, or anything smaller." She glanced at Clint. "Pigeon was too large."

Clint scowled at her. "Cannibal."

"Huh, that's... that's actually neat," Tony said, leaning forward to get a better look at the snake. "Remarkable engineering, did you see how far the skin stretched without losing the scales? Might be useful to upgrade Cap's armor."

Steve hastily changed the subject, before Tony got too enthusiastic and Steve wound up with rocket propulsion in the seat of his pants. "Hey, Thor, why don't you bring your bird so we can all admire it?"

Thor brightened. "Yes! Big Bird should meet everyone!"

Once the elevator closed behind Thor, Steve said, "Now, no one make fun of Thor's canary, or whatever it is." Steve picked up Rhino's ball, because Rhino was growling and trying to attack Diamond Jim. "So," Steve said, "it's only Tony and Bruce who don't have pets?"

"I have pets," Tony said, rummaging around the table for an unopened package of dried fruit. "Goldfish. Fancy goldfish. Had one when I was a kid."

"Fish are stupid," Clint remarked, "not like pigeons."

"Hah, my Rocket rings a bell when he's hungry." Tony grabbed a bag of blueberries with an air of triumph.

"Seriously?" Clint asked.

"Yep. He pulls a string attached to the bell. And Jasmine will swim through hoops." Tony looked at Bruce. "What about you, Bruce?"

Bruce shrugged. "I had a dog. In Brazil. But you know, I had to run. And it really wasn't my dog, just... a mutt that I fed."

Everyone looked around awkwardly, but fortunately the elevator returned at that moment, disgorging Thor. Riding an ostrich. "HO! Meet my valiant Big Bird!" The ostrich strutted into the room and snatched the bag of blueberries from Tony. Thor laughed. "Is he not magnificent! Watch out for his feet, I am told he could disembowel a lion with his claws!"

"HOLY SHIT!" Tony yelped, quickly counting his fingers. "Why did you get an ostrich?"

"Because when I first entered Midgard, I enquired at an animal vendor for a horse. I needed transport to reach my hammer. The vendor said he only had felines, canines and birds. So I requested one large enough to ride!" Thor beamed. Big Bird tried to eat Rhino's ball. Diamond Jim slithered under the couch to hide. Rhino growled and tried to get at the ostrich.

"You know," Clint said, "I used to think that Phil's pet was unusual. He has a hedgehog."

"Hedgehog," Steve said while retrieving Rhino. "Little spiky animal?"

"Yeah. Someone threw it at him."

"Phil was attacked by a hedgehog?" Tony said.

"Wasn't as if Hedgie had any choice," Natasha said. She rooted under the couch to retrieve her snake. "Diamond Jim has had enough socializing. I'm putting him back in his home."

"Yeah, I think it's Rhino's bedtime, too." Steve picked up the Death Star, and the old ball and went off to his room. When he returned Big Bird was munching on popcorn, and everyone was arguing over what movie to watch next. 

 

"Quiet! Quiet, you're a surprise. And I hope to God I got the right one." There were scuffling noises, tick-tick-tick noises, and... a whine? Tony whined sometimes, it's true, but not quite like that. Bruce looked up from his microscope.

He stared, and then he stood up. "Can't be."

"Is!" Tony declared gleefully as the scruffy looking black and gray dog he was leading pulled the leash out of his hands and ran over to Bruce, barking and wriggling and wagging his tail wildly. "So, I guess I got the right one."

"How?" Bruce knelt on the floor and laughed as the dog licked his face. "That was... years ago."

"Yeah." Tony put his hands in his pockets and beamed. "Back tracking. Found a neighbor who remembered you and fed your dog for you. Had to convince her I really was your friend before she'd give him up, and then I had to... never mind. I just thought... you know. Once in a while, you ought to get what you want."

Bruce didn't say anything. He was crying, and the dog was licking the tears. Tony shut his mouth and left quietly.


End file.
